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Big vent, trauma dumping so on, drama. 1/5 

I'm just so confused in how to feel, how to make of anything right now.

Sooo.. September 2020 I start talking to this friend and get very close. They in January make me realise I'm demiromantic.

January I have this other friendship start, whom I helped them realise they're a lot like me sexuality/romantic/gender wise. Later on this friendship becomes supportive through the first friendship becoming emotionally abusive.

That first friendship becomes just distanced but still, talking terms and all and well sharing cute posts and all to eachother terms.

April, I'm talking more to that second friend more amd more on one Fecebook messenger. And just as I'm starting to feel closer to that friend, they suddenly say we can't talk anymore and all and bam they deactivate.

Few things happen from me just not being in a right state of mind that I'm not talking about here.

Couple nights after they come message me on Instagram, say family discovered their Facebook or something and the friendships and so, the reasoning behind that sudden break in contact.

We back talking, though not without me saying what went on and things. And that friendship just carries on from their growing stronger and actually all about Miraculous, they become my Miraculous friend because they love Miraculous, I love Miraculous, do it was non stop Miraculous, as well as non stop Zepeto and Picrew too.

Late May comes up, still talking terms with the first friend.. well until I fall out with them over transphobia that just was the final nail in what had been bad dreams for ages and doubt.. that I didn't want answered as right.

I was then like whatever at that point, disappointed as hell and of course upset but at least I had that second friend who I'd grown closer to a lot.

June comes up, I choose to have my character Mili come out as bigender, bisexual and aromantic, going by pronouns she/her and ze/zir partially out of spite of that first friend that Mili is based on.. though also as to give Mili more of zir own identity not so tied to that friend.

Throughout the summer, talking to that second friend. Though start of August they have to disappear again, deactivate their Instagram. Asked me out of the blue how to. I say as just no point not saying. Don't ask why, because I understood, well thought I did, family, it not being safe for them.

Two weeks later, they reactivate, only intended as temporary, to ask me something, which I honestly can't talk about what but it really felt like a punch.. which I didn't realise so much then but I do now.

They intended to go just after but then discover you have to wait a week to deactivate again after reactivating. So.. I'm talking everything Miraculous back as before with them for a week.. and then 7 days pass and bam just suddenly in the middle of talking, they deactivate. And that's the last I hear.

Heck I shouldn't of been surprised that heck that whole summer of talking was more than it originally was going to be until they started talking to me on Instagram, which again actually I'm sure they asked me things then, and just thought to continue talking and everything. But just, it did sting a lot.

But I've since that been at the feeling well actually I hope you don't come back, as I want to keep in my mind a memory of them that brings me joy, and well yes.. that friendship, it kind of still does, their Zepeto characters I created them, where they had two sides, a kitty and a devilish side, it still brings smiles, and I want to keep that.

Though I couldn't keep featuring their characters in posts, as it just felt off.

My character of Red Riding Hood, which I created back when I first started using Zepeto because well every wolf needs their own Red Riding Hood. October, I gave Red a devilish new look, the look she has now.. that felt so good, kind of taking the place of what my friend's devilish character had, which did soften the blow there with not wanting to use said characters anymore because it just felt off...

September, October, November, I'm just busy invested back in doing website stuff, completely reworking the PHP scripts and my whole server setup and everything as I was changing from my dedicated server I'd used previously since Nov 2019, to my VPS I now use for that stuff. (Run this instance currently on Oracle Cloud).

December, I get back fully invested in Miraculous fanfics again and just everything, which had me occupied until middle January when I had the thing I just didn't think would happen happen.

Big vent, trauma dumping so on, drama. 2/5 

My first friend, they came back to right their shitty behaviour, their disrespect, make up for it. I just felt so on the edge but something just made me just not able to say no to seeing how things go with making amends.

What helped was they compared to the same time last year when their response to my eagerness of them watching Miraculous, they felt it was too childish for them (even though there they were watching SpongeBob 👀).. this time they gave Miraculous a chance and well they fell in love with it and bam constant Miraculous talk.

What really told me they were being for real, where conversation about one of the characters, what is special about them.. and my friend turned around and basically came out to me with that thing I'd just mentioned about why that character was special. Pretty much from that second I realised.. hold on.. fuck you really do mean it.. it just clicked. I actually that moment said about the whole deal with Mili about zir coming out as queer and with she/ze pronouns partly out of spite of them being an ass then, and they were over the moon with that one of the things about Mili that they are.. that I obviously sensed it.

Kind of just let my feelings completely go full completely free again from then, and yea, back to being close as anything.

We start talking on Telegram little bits and then bam they deactivate their Insta, and it kind of hit then just like feeling just lost that what do we do as just that's the thing with Insta with messaging, can just be there constantly sharing posts and so, and when stepped away, and just doing that same thing you do links instead, just it felt weird, especially that they'd come away from Insta for a reason.

Talk more and more on Telegram which frankly, is my favourite messenger app I've used.. though fuck do I hate the fact that on the option to delete messages, or the whole conversation, you can tick to delete for the other person. Seriously.. avoid having fallouts with friendships over fucking Telegram as it just takes the other pwrson to make that ass move and just as someone that does not delete chats, that fucking hurts hard.. fucking hurt hard back when Instagram used to hide chat conversations after someone deactivated.. retrievable again for two weeks from using the inbox search bar.. but after seemingly deleted.. until they removed that behaviour and I had a flood of those supposedly deleted chats come back as they were just actually just hidden.

Anyway, talking more, they go on about how they're basically making an exception with me that the reason they deactivated their Insta was because they just couldn't keep at it with these amazing people online that they could never meet. But me, they couldn't let me go again.

Well, until through talking in March that they responded to me talking about I dreamt that I travelled with them around Europe then over to Canada with them where they want to move to..

They responded along the lines that it's a nice dream and thought but that they'd only plan a life in love only with a Christian. And then they doubled down on.. "If I was a Christian", that they would take me.

That fucking hurt. I just lost it through that. They asked me back in January about me and Christianity and all, and said my thoughts and well it sounded like they got it then and that was that that this wasn't going to be a problem at all.

But nope this moment forward they just went all Christian. And just it came about from it that I was feeling like I went around it wrong, that I mad ethings worse how I reacted and I tried so much to set things right and all.. but then they're like well they have their life, I can't support them but don't be shy, "program me like a bot and I will obey you" so and so, basically implying that they're there for me to use them for my happiness, that they have their world, but they can be whatever in my world.

I obviously having none of that, as fuck sake, what am I.. we need to be equals. Goes past this that at first things feel like ok, maybe this is a fight that won't do anything and isn't a make or break of this bond.

But then a week later of well less talk.. and whatever talk it was, as in their responses, it all just felt not genuine, just putting it on. Week later and they're stopping using Telegram that they just can't do this but we can stay talking over email, not comstant but whenever I want a voice to listen they're there.

Well.. that goes on for almost around 11 days, after them wanting me to keep in contact sending at least something daily. Which I did. They silent for a few days after sending something a bit concerning, and then when they do again respond, they sent a whole long message about how much it pains them they can't save my soul and everything, just again going all Christian.

Big vent, trauma dumping so on, drama. 3/5 

I just respond with something completely different, just again hoping to distract away from it.. they double down though I'm not listening and well ok I'll someday see the truth.

And they also send an empty email titled "God's Not Dead".

I didn't respond.

The thing that I responded hoping to distract away from, well it was the whole thing that I thought I could even do this with email, have this particular distraction, that I don't want to speak about, but I really thought that no matter what, that distraction would give me something to keep them in check with about. And I thought a few days would go by and I'd have another tbing to be able to say to them and just well maybe pass far from that.

But well.. few days later, that distraction fucked up, and just gone was just any reason to feel even capable of communicating with them, because well I tell them what went down, the not good news, well they're just goong to double down again aren't they. So that was that.

Back to my second fried.. I let curiosity get the better of me.

So I have an alt Fecebook account that thanks to that I'd learnt it was actually a block though they'd blocked that account too and everything, and they went through being deactivated and reactivated and everything and well the block didn't bother me or anything as well I "understood".

But then well.. I used to use Messenger Lite for my alt account and well if you have any knowledge of Messenger lite what that's like.. you probably know about how weird it is with the contacts.

Thanks to Messenger lite I'd seen what I thought was another account of my friend's, as I recognised them in the pic, though I was also blocked on both accounts from that.

Where I let my curiosity really give me a fucking shock.

I create a new Facebook account to use as a secret account thay well literally impossible for anyone to find out that blank picture empty profile named Jase Wolf out of 100s of same is actually me.

So I do that, because as was as seeing their accounts in private browsing,it looks as if they're deactivated.

Buut I go to those account urls from inside the Facebook app signed into that secret hiding behind my name account..

I learn.. that isn't another account of theirs. It's well who from what it looks like, their boyfriend's of the past 5 years or so, well at least that they've at least known each other.

See there was lovey dovey talk during the peak of when we talked.. and well.. sure no, it had always been clear we were friends.. but gosh if I'd fricken known I'd of not gotten as closeness levels as I had, and well just the way they let me.. it stung.

But well, that actually, through the initial shock.. that I can forgive and well I'm not blaming them at all or anything and just that's not what bothers me.

It's the fact that the whole ordeal obviously must of been they sensed I got close, so they did all that with deactivating their Facebook, later reactivating but me blocked, and talk instead on Insta, until whatever.

And just well whatever it's not that as such alone. It's the very fact that that other account was not another account of theirs, and it'd blocked me.

I tbh would like to believe that maybe they got a hold of their phone and blocked me in the process, so it was THEM that blocked me. But them telling that person something about me, a reason to block me, just that sits so uneasy.

After all, that I talk about friends not revealing who they are and everything, not even revealing gender or pronouns they use.. yet that's what I discover in return?

I should never of found that out. They'd probably thought I'd never find that out, and I wouldn't have if it wasn't for bloody Messenger lite out of the blue popping that other person's account, with my friend as their picture, in the contacts list.

The fact that I let curiosity get me.. just fuck sake.

I had one possible way I could contact them.. which I wasn't supposed to have.. which happened through them accidentally exposing that through me sending them a google doc they then requested access permission too because I'd not set the permissions correctly. (Be mindful that exposed your gmail address to the google doc creator when you request access).

I had a mind to use that.. but I didn't as well maybe someone else would, but that's not me.. and just what would come about that when I'd previously anyway come to terms and actually felt not actually wanting to have them contact again, because I want to just don't want what I can still smile about that friendship to be ruined.

And well so, anyway, that's that.

Big vent, trauma dumping so on, drama. 4/5 

Back to my first friend.

I was really feeling nervous about it but I went ahead, and I emailed on their birthday to say well happy birthday. Get a response and I respond to say they're welcome and use the nickname we'd created for them.. based on what their superhero persona would be.

That was just then that, kind of felt did they suddenly realise hold on who it is?

Week later or so and I notice they've reactivated their Insta.

They had literally wiped everyone they followed and that followed them, so including me, blank account.

Few days later, I look, they have 50+K followers and they're since now using their account actively.

They did the same shit buying followers, some sort of hack or whatever middle last year too.

Just it kind of feels a punch in the fucking face, after all how they can't stand social media anymore, and all the wonderful people that they never will meet in reality, and also.. something I always respected that they just didn't feel up for sending any selfies or anything even though they often asked which I always did..

And now, with all those well whatever that 50k+ even is.. they're all posting this stuff now in their stories and everything. And I get maybe they feel in a different place and all now. But still.. it all feels like a punch in the face that. The most of all that they just removed me from following them.. and now I just feel in a place where.. I CANNOT BLOCK them again, because the second they realise I've blocked them, probably back in to contact me why and me just not be ready to even be able to with that but not being able to ignore. And just if they're going to come back, it can't be any less than them yet again realising how shitty they were.. and god I just need them to learn, realise how fucking toxic of a path that is fearing for others thinking you have to save them from a fucking torture that supposedly loving God will put you through if you don't conform.

I wish Instagram had a mute feature like how you do on here and on Twitter, where the account is effectively invisible to you but they have no idea.

Yes you have the muting posts and stories if you follow them, so they don't show in your feed.. but that's it. It's fucking useless, and not something for what you don't follow someone and you go see their convo in the inbox, it still highlights when they have a story posted etc.

Just why I can't make that completely hidden like a block, but well again without blocking to not draw attention and just I just simply cannot anyway. Again I just want to be able to just still think good of them, for my own sake, and that's why I wish I could mute so I don't have to see through the fact they pop up in my explore now and again and having an incentive to click through while in my inbox.. and see their Christian posts, from them or their sibling. Just that doesn't help one damn bit.

Big vent, trauma dumping so on, drama. 5/5 

And now on a very different note, so I'm back watching Miraculous constant and all with my sis, and just back everything to do with Miraculous, and so of course following along with everything Miraculous on Twitter and so on. And I come across Thomas Astruc, creator/director of Miraculous, mention about moving here to Mastodon. (At mstdn.social). So I join in May because of that, as well if he goes ahead with that, then that's a lot of the fandom possible move here.

And from there, coming in with no idea what to expect, just to try it out and keep it around incase this becomes the new home for Miraculous. And bam I realise the community on here and I love it and running my own instance is amazing but it's been overwhelming in some regards too.

It's been overwhelming in that I vame in not expecting to socialise and post in amounts I've not done for at least a decade on social media. And in the process Some I'd say Ive gotten so much closer easier than I realised I'd gotten. That someone on here has become what I enjoy most about being here.

And they've just well I thought been inactive for a while, until the past week I started noticing interaction from one between this account, and then just that kept becoming more suspicious is that them, and then I just seem more, recognised 11 different things that absolutely confirm yes that's them. And I just don't know how to feel. Just I'm confused.

And that has me back again realising.. oh yes I damn am demiromantic, but I get attached so fucking fast to people and just I just don't know. I was kind of feeling the past few days, just had lots of nightmares regarding my frirst froend upon discovering this even more shit, and just well I'm not blaming them and all but just that's been fucking with my mind here and then I've been feeling well ok I'm glad I have this person I'm speaking to now and all.. but then I realise this. And it's not like they've abandoned completely the social circle.. yet I've been left out.

I'm just lost for what to think. All came from that I just only intended to come here and be able to stay follow with miraculous content if things move here.. which I hope.. but just I love the community, but fuck my emotions just have caught up with me that I don't want to fucking post any of this but I can't bottle any of this up more. I just feel so done and just want to be back just focusing on Miraculous, just be back focused in reading fanfics. Just I would love to be wrong about everything and know I've been overreacting, but just I can't think of a reality I'm wrong.

More rant/venting 

I really need to fucking get away from this fucking constant talk about blocking and so on I'm having due to that I've spent the past well couple weeks it's been with my spreadsheet just constantly improving and improving and adding and adding to it, searching fedidb and so on.

I again hope others find it helpful but fuck WHY THE FUCK has things turned so much into talking about the bad. Well.. because I've been hyperfixated on this.

But fuck, I just don't want to talk about that shit anymore. And I've fucking had enough of the federated timeline too, as well it's wholesome a lot of things.. but I'm just overwhelmed by all this.

Most social media, it's always been consuming content more than heavily about people specifically to me. And that's where Fedi has just overwhelmed. It's a great place.. once blocked out the shit.. but I've interacted in a completely whole different level than I ever had on social media since really 8-10 years ago when I interacted a lot on Insta and Facebook groups etc.

I just wasn't prepared for any of this. And I sure as fuck wasn't prepared to get close to someone again, that I just came here wanting to obviously ensure I don't miss out with Miraculous content that would inevitably fill up here if Thomas does come over. I love the fedi, but it's still fucking social media, social media on a whole different.. good but complex and overwhelming level.

Seeing others get attention that would have a tonne of support, whilst every fime ever I've vented on social media, it just gets swept under the rug. People just miss it, skip it. And I don't know why the fuck I even care because I've gotten this out for myself, things I didn't fucking want to say, but well it's said now because I just couldn't keep it in any longer.

Just amazes me how others are able to do it day to day be so raw on social media on such personal levels. We're all different, and I just simply aren't.. besides to someone I feel close to and all. And then that always fucking fucks up because people are people, and well I maybe don't blame people, but that I blame just that I overthink so much, and it's easy to trigger that just from doing something without realising.

Whole thing that just is a completely new thing to me on here.. how fucking easy it is that someone is here, then they're there, spend a good month+ primarily here where you're one in their close social circle.. and then you think they're having a break for a while.. only to then have confirmed hey they're over there as this completely different account that to many people may not even realise it's the same person, but recognising all the ways, everything that is identical, seeing others from the social circle interacting massively in the same densities and so.. and then yea.. look further realise it all adds up, and suddenly realise they weren't having a break, just instance hopped seemingly out of the blue without saying anything and just feeling like they completely forgot about you.. just, yea I don't know what to make of it. Really don't. Especially when they're one who just became one of the best parts of being on here to me. I just feel left out.

Maybe some point I'll start looking again at the federated timeline which has been just what I've been primarily using. But yea, right now I need a big break.

Sorry to some folks I unfollowed too.. I do that.. I can't stop trying to keep shave off the following count, and I guess for my own sake, I can't keep following folls on here in ways like I do with Twitter and Tiktok, but more like with Instagram that I keep it to down.

I just can't with toxicity on here.

Which no, no one I've followed I'd exactly say been showing toxicity or whatever, but just I'm just overwhelmed from some things that were coming in my feed, and just yea same in that regard with the federated timeline which I just didn't realise one bit how much it was overwhelming me.

Until this latest way of feeling. Just has me more and more wishing just that more of the miraculous fandom was on here.. that I don't want to interact as such with the fandom themselves because just that's so fucking full of toxicity too.. but the content, just more things Miraculous the better.

Some more rant after seeing someone calling someone out in fediblock over using Husky.. 1/2 

Ok, yea one is now blocked. I don't fucking like Husky over Tusky either but calling people Nazis over it when Husky has make or break functionality that Tusky doesn't have for Akkoma instances.. fuck off.

I don't fucking like Cloudflare, them still harbouring K*wi f*rms, but it's literally a matter of security using Cloudflare and it has features I heavily use that I can't see any viable alternative, especially not for free, that does even a scratch on what Cloudflare does.

I don't fucking like the Christian shithead developers of Sqlite3.. who have a whole page on their site spouting all fucking commandment style Christian nationalist shit.

But if you're going to tell me that MySQL/MongoDB/PostgreSQL etc are alternatives to a file based database that you may use for one minor thing, like storing emails sent through a contact form for a couple days in order to be able to have a more GDPR compliant contact form that sends a verification email to the email put in, with the option to verify and have the email sent, or have it deleted, or that it deletes after 2 days if you don't do anything. Sqlite3 is lightweight as fuck, and I have no idea of any alternative.. and well you literally do not have an option because so much things uses sqlite3 for the same reasoning, that it's effectively like using json files to store things.. but just more appropriate and able to be dynamic and able to understand time and things that a database is good for.

I used to use Worldstream.nl for my dedicated server, running 8gb ram, 200gb storage, a Xeon E3 1220v6, approx €30/m. That's a fucking steal dedicated server wise, and if someone wants to go ahead and use Worldstream because of it and the centralised European location being Netherlands based.. go for it.

But mind, one reason I came away other than cost was because they fucking acted transphobic as fuck when I asked for a year for them to change my title away from Mr.

I replaced my needs for that dedicated server with a VPS from Contabo for €5/m, 200gb storage, 8gb ram, still actually quite beefy CPUs they run, which I notice, despite it being 4 virtual cores, so just what it even means, but still, plenty enough for my Minecraft server, and no running a Minetest server, running my websites and such.

Contabo, I had a shitty first experience with from having a snarky response to a question I sent them which they acted in like a IT'S OBVIOUS DUHH sort of way..

But you know what, Contabo is extremely affordable for VPS, a VPS that felt worthy of a replacement to that dedicated server. And what do I want to do? Carry on paying €30/m to a shitty company or €5/m to who may also be a shitty company but more so that maybe it was just one bad apple and doesn't speak overall about the company.

Whereas Worldstream, I've got to of had around at least 10-20 different bad apples being transphobic af, so yea, use them if you want if a dedicated server is what you're needing.. but just watch out.

Some more rant after seeing someone calling someone out in fediblock over using Husky.. 2/2 

There's plenty of things I just instantaneously block people over for using.

I generally instantly block instances using that Nazi and white supremacist rooted frontend Soapbox.. only exception I'll give to that is it's an instance I like that uses it as an alternative frontend. No I don't like that and if you will not get rid of it I'm sorry but I hate your guts.

FiveM, a GTA V decentralised multiplayer server/client mod, alternative to GTA Online.. the devs are pro Russian racist, queerphobic, Nazi shitbags, and it's fucking clear the INSTANT you see in their discord, or that's displayed somewhat on their forum actually too.

Running a server using that, running a community based on that, it's an instant block because yes many are oblivious to that shit, but everyone actually knows the devs are fucking nasty people. Use of their software, running a server and community based on it, displaying your use of it, it just shows you value having fun over not endorsing those fucked up pro-Russian devs. Carry on if you want running that russian shit, where the devs have repeatedly fucked about for years "pranking" users with doing fucked up shit with the client, but it's a no from me.

I'm done with that shitty software. And generally I'm done with generally the whole GTA modding scene 100% because it's the fucking worst.

I hate Pleroma, the original project can die along with the nazis. Frankly just why would you stay using the original project when Akkoma is already becoming so much damn better.

With Akkoma, maybe this time next year I will treat Pleroma indifferently to Soapbox and block instances insisting on staying with the original project.

Some people do that regardless with everything Pleroma before Akkoma even existed. I can't because that just ignores that there's so fucking much reasoning to using the software over Mastodon, and not because of the nice to haves such as reactions, but because of resources for one.

I will fucking outright block over the use of a frontend, and the use of a fucked indefensible game multiplayer server/client mod.. because it's not a fucking need and you're just valuing some nice to haves over not endorsing fucking Nazis.

But a backend for being on the fediverse, that's a whole different thing.

And while I fucking despise Husky.. because one of it's main reasons to exist is because of removing the blocklist that the Tusky devs added. But it's FOSS software. Tusky devs don't want to be directly enabling Nazis to use their app by blocking the instances they use.. Tusky has every right to that and are not stopping people from forking the project to remove the list if they don't agree. As such that Husky exists.

But there's so many make or break functionality in Husky for Pleroma/Akkoma that Tusky doesn't have working.

Now, Dan, dev of pixelfed, lets say Dan wasn't nice, and the official app Dan is creating for pixelfed.. If Dan was so not nice enough, would you be like # fediblock such and such for using the Pixelfed app? Because oh yes Tusky has just 'great' pixelfed support..

Things are not fucking cut and dry and this just shouts that you'll go calling out people for the fact you notice they're seemingly on good terms with family, yet you see the family are fucking pieces of racist transphobic shit.

You know, I don't fucking like that but then it's not that fucking simple. Few friends that as far as them themselves go, seem absolutely lovely people.. but I don't know their fucking family life, of if it's even safe for them, especially when they're maybe still a minor, to call their family members and close family friends out. I'll block those assy people, and if that friend was to have a problem with that or whatever and be there defending them, then yes that'd be it, be a block.

Guilty by association, especially guilty by defending said association. But some of that association is forced. A lot of fucking association is forced with no reasonable other option.

Call out your horrible family you're stuck living with for their shit, even as an adult, and bam you're out on the street or even worse? Absolutely amazing job.. /s

Go ahead stop using Husky because the devs are shit and use Tusky instead which doesn't enable you to add captions on media, has a lot of things that just doesn't work outside of the basic functions. Again just amazing job.. /s

More rant 

And of course the fediblock tag goes to utter shit. Fucking downside with using my masto social account specifically to look at that tag that a lot of these fucking crap instances show up shitposting in the tag. But well it's useful because well even crap people have genuine things to call other crap people out about because they can't even stand each other.

But just glad I have that tag muted on here, as just, I'm fucking not interested having fediblock discourse come up every day as it does more or less at least once.

More rant 

Just fucking sucks that a project got so fucking toxic, that even when a fork of that project comes about to save that software from that fucked up project..

That it resulted in so much of people not wanting anything to do with making clients for that project that well has so much reasoning folks use it for. And so people either use the trash that is the webapp, or use a fork of a client that adds in a lot of what basic things it's missing/broken when using with that software.

I hope Akkoma results in more motivation by Tusky, or someone that isn't actually a fascist to create a fork to add the functionality Tusky so desperately needs when used with Akkoma.. and no I don't give a flying rat's fuck about reactions, and if that's what your care is over accessibility functionality like media captioning.. then that's bad. Like sure, ok, go ahead, use it, but don't be there justifying your usage over THAT.

But accessibility reasons and things and things like some of the software Tusky supports the core functions with, you can't even edit your name, your bio, the header/profile pic, and you can't even mute/block people/instances.. Tusky used with Pixelfed for those last points that's the case.

Tusky is amazing for Mastodon, and well it's almost great for Akkoma.. and it is great for well users that don't care about making their stuff accessible to people by using captions. But it's fucked that there's even anything for folks to defend their usage of specifically using a fascist pos' client.

But that's what fucking happens when the second most popular Fediverse software is a toxic mess.. which again I do hope Akkoma's existence fixes this, as it's extremely needed fixing this mess.

Soooo a previous dev of Husky was called Adolfo.. okay, so the H in Husky is literally a jab at that.

Fucking hell that's a big yikes. Yea "Hitler Tusky" doesn't come about from thin air that's for sure.

And.. hold up, Tusky DOES fricken support captioning media with Pleroma/Akkoma.

So that is not a valid thing at all as a justification to Husky. Again sure, use it, whatever, but don't be there justifying it when the only justification I saw which maybe has only just recently become not the case, Tusky not being able to caption stuff.. which it obviously can.

Ok, so Tusky with Akkoma instances, with the deleting posts, that's kind of weird, errors out though does actually delete just the app doesn't register it. This results in the delete and redraft to not work. That is kind of a deal breaker thing that.

More ranting // racism // white fucking Jesus 

Just again fucking lost it seeing that first friend following and appreciating an account that posts paintings they make of fucking white Jesus.

Left a charming comment and blocked on one of those posts.

Yes I will fucking lose my shit at you if you're going to show love to this pale ass fucking white "Jesus".

He wasn't fucking white you fucking racist pieces of shit. And if you don't know that.. well I hope you fucking learn and stop idoling this fake made up person that was made to be more "relatable" to white assholes. Just fucking hell.

More ranting/venting, trauma, Christianity. 

Only going to be a matter of time now I guess they notice this whole rant/vent 👀 I fucking hate to block, but just.. I can't with this Christian crap. I just can't. I hope they learn to not be that type of Christian only adding to people's trauma as exactly what they did though trying to "save me", and be like "if you were a Christian".. like.. oh yes, I'll happily just now jump on and be a Christian, wow why didn't I ever think of that.

Fuck why couldn't I just get past this without just ever even mentioning a peep of anything because I want to believe in the best in them, and have them learn things and maybe come back naturally, through them realising they followed a toxic god complex path.

Just like me, realising how much of a toxic path that lead me on trying to be a Christian for a decade and everything, believing in the fucked up threat of hell.

The capability is there to believe in a form of Christianity and not be one that causes religious trauma to others.. to acknowledge how fucked up the vast majority, at least vocal majority, are.. and realise that the only "saving" showing you're a force for good and not there trying to convert people.. let alone people that have told you a big fucking lot about their trauma involving Christianity.

Oh "I understand your pain, but..".. NO YOU DO NOT, otherwise you wouldn't of ever dreamt of saying the things, going all Christian and quadrupling down.

Like hey, I fucking love Miraculous, but yes there are unfortunately some racist things in the show as a result of so many damn things that I'm not directly blaming Thomas Astruc for that but the whole industry, Disney, so much fucking things. I'm not going to defend it, I'm not going to defend Alya's, Nino's and Max's whitewashing through transforming, even though as far as I see from it, it's an unfortunate result of too many cooks in the kitchen in the animation department, too many animation studios/teams that have too tight schedules and can't fix things after the fact because the channels are waiting..

And I'm not going to defend Mylène's dreadlocks as a white character.. oh and also there's partly some native American cultural appropriation with her unfortunately.

The show has improved on the whitewashing fuck up since Season 4 I noticed, but it doesn't take away from the hurt it's caused and discomfort black/brown folk may have seeing it, and the whole big picture means zilch. Miraculous has so much diversity and is so progressive still.. but just it's still a part of a corrupt fucking industry.

What am I going to do, be there insisting on bipoc folks to give Miraculous a try when they've made it extremely clear they just can't? That's like a Harry Potter fan trying to get you tro give Harry Potter a chance despite the fucking queerphobia, anti-Semitism, racism, that is SO FUCKING intense in everything Harry Potter, and just well look at fucking J.K Rowling, one of the biggest pieces of transphobic trash on this planet.. you going to insist on a trans person to get into Harry Potter despite the fact that there's almost absolutely no separating the art from the artist.. even consumed by totally legal methods.. her whole bigoted self shows all throughout everything with Harry Potter. It's inescapable.

How is Christianity any fucking different? Oh because you believe it to be truth? Well I fucking don't. I believe in something bigger than us, but it's not a fucked up abusive predatory God of the bible that every other religion pretty much rejects.. as no it's not the same God at all. Not even close. It's the most abusive concept of a God ever.

More ranting/venting, trauma, Christianity. 

Again I just leave you this song Inposted about on my post the other day here in the link:

toots.hwl.li/@jase/10871446228

I can't support Eric because I can't support a white person that thought it was at all appropriate to wear a native American headdress, (war bonnet) as a costume.

But the message of this song I fucking love.

"I'm begging you Jesus, to save me from Christians, I don't think they act in your name".

Act in Jesus' name for fuck sake by not acting along the lines of the very reason Jesus ended up on that fucking cross.

A smile and a wave will always save more than preaching to who didn't ask for it what is said in your pathetic pamphlets that is written by fucking man.

// Christian trauma

Damn I love this country song about deconstructing Christianity by a queer person 🥰.

It's not country that I hate, it's the fucking trash 90% of country folk are, and if they themselves there is no proof of being trash.. they still are guilty by fucking association.
vm.tiktok.com/ZMNbA4rFj/?k=1

Fact that Christians see "church" in the song Tale My To Church and immediately think it's for them.

Nope it's about calling out the fucking church!

And then twisting songs about religious trauma to be about how hey Jesus loves you.

Are you that oblivious? Heard and understood absolutely nothing about what the songs say? You just invalidate our fucking trauma.

// Christian trauma

On a different note.. yea.. if a god or god(s) do exist.. that is the sort of God(s) that I could accept.. they must be really fucking wasted over what people do in the name of God, and that people think the most abusive concept of a God is the one.

This song, "Drugs with God" by Marisa Maino, hits in a totally different way.
youtu.be/MkkbC33CySc

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